


Faded Like a Dead Star

by bellamys_cheekbones



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, M/M, Non AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-04-21 21:09:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14293518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamys_cheekbones/pseuds/bellamys_cheekbones
Summary: Tom knew there was something special in his and Chris’ friendship. He didn’t know that the addition was a need.





	1. Chapter 1

We were friends. No, scratch that - we were best friends. Best of friends. We've gone through a lot, done all sorts of cobblers, said everything we shouldn't. But together. 

It all changed one night. I could expect, it but I couldn't stop myself. 

•~

The bus finally stopped after what seemed like an eternity for a person, who wished to seek the bathroom for the last half an hour. I ran straight out of the vehicle, ignoring the angry ramblings of our bus driver, and stood behind one of the rubbish bins to ease off my need. 

I stepped backwards and took a deep breath. Another reason for me to bug the driver was to spend at least a short while on fresh air. We have been travelling for the past eight hours and we couldn't even stick our heads out of the bus, so it's good to just stand there, enjoying the nocturnal environment. I stretched my legs, preparing for another four-hours-long ride.

Moving back to the bus, I mumbled a "thank you" to the driver, whose name I've forgotten apparently. Everyone travelling with me must've gone insane by now; we practically lived in each other's pockets and me being always the laughing one, I'm sure others want to murder me already for my enthusiasm. I'm just glad Dom, Matt and Chris took me for once with them on the bus. 

Standing in the middle of the lounge with beds, I realised that nobody is awake to keep me entertained, so my hand grasped some book I bought along the way and trotted towards the room, where one could relax after a show. Discretely, I closed the door and with a sigh collapsed on a sofa nearby. 

Half into the book, it was starting to get moving, and I got so into the story that I didn't even hear Chris opening the door, revealing his broad figure. However, as soon as the wooden plate touched the door frame on its way back, Chris ran towards me and jumped on the sofa, causing a small heart attack. 

"Jesus, man, what are you doing?" 

He made himself comfortable, his arms supporting his head on my shoulder. "Trying to sleep."

"Well, it's not working, I see," I said, trying to shake his arms down. That only resulted in him moving closer, and he put his legs over my thighs. 

"No, it's not," he sighed and yawned afterwards. "I saw you out. I figured you would be here after your little adventure."

"Yeah, it's not gonna be easy, the ride I mean."

"Thought about it as well. Therefore I went to you."

"Well, I brought a book, which you knocked down." I wanted to stay aggravated at him, but with his innocent face, I could only smile back. 

"Are you angry with me?" 

"I tried to, but your face is just too pure."

Chris leaned his head back on the headrest, looking directly into my eyes. "Is it now?" His lids were half-closed and his stubble made him look gloomy all of a sudden. “Kelly called me later today.”

There he was, talking about Kelly again. I was glad for him to be married, of course, but he constantly shoved it into everyone's faces. "And what did she say?"

"Kids miss me and she too, but she's glad for me." 

"Well, it would be strange if she wasn't. You're playing stadium shows now! Even I am happy for your enormous success."

"We would fire you otherwise," laughed Chris and scraped his chin. "Hey, what about Gee? Did you even call her?"

"I did, I did! God, you don't have to pester me." 

"I'm just making sure your marriage is all right!" Chris made a huffing sound and turned away from me. "Sometimes I think that I should join Matt and Dom in their wild parties."

I shifted uncomfortably, leaning back. "Why do you say so? Someday, I believe, they'll end up in bed together and that will be the day, when some sense will be knocked in them."

"I think that's the general idea; experimenting."

"So you'd like to sleep with Matt or Dom, is that right?" I mocked, but at the same time shocked myself for saying it out loud.

"Neither of them," Chris laughed, but the laughter died immediately. "But there is just the craving for someone, nothing in particular, but you just want to try it."

"Thinking about it, I sometimes ponder at the thought," I admitted, my hand coming to rest under my temple, supporting my heaving head. "But hey, no one can say they're innocent."

"Yep, exactly." I didn't really know how did we get to this topic, but I wanted to go further in Chris' curiosity. He seemed like that innocent, supporting pillar of this group that could never do anything bad. Well, knowing him twenty years could tell otherwise, but he still was the one, who stayed far from problems and would rather sleep than to party until the early morning. 

"Hey, Chris, have you thought about this topic before?"

"What, sleeping with Matt or Dom?" he answered with a smile. 

"Guys in general, but if you thought about Bellamy or Howard giving you a good time..." I leaned back, my head on the same level as his.

"No, no, and I don't want to imagine that," he defended himself, laughing. "To be honest, I have, but nothing heavy. Kissing, just that... Hell, a kiss is a kiss, whether it's a lass or a guy, it doesn't matter." 

"I like your way of thinking. It's true with a few exceptions, of course." Nonchalantly, I stood up, walking towards a big couch to set out my sleeping place. It was usually occupied by Morgan, but since he was travelling on his own, his place belonged to me. And I have to say - it's more comfortable than the beds Matt, Dom and Chris sleep on. 

"Woah, woah, wait. You've done a bloke before? Tom, don't lie to me, because I can recognize that." He rushed towards the couch, stopping me in my actions and looked me dead in the eyes. 

"Not in a sense of 'have sex'. I've got a kiss and received a handjob from one. That's it." I pushed the slightly taller bass guitarist away, but he wouldn't move from the room if there was a flood. 

I sighed heavily, lifting my head up. "Look, I know I've made many mistakes, but if you want me to be sorry for my actions, I can't serve you - I quite fancied having someone else handling my shaft instead of me."

"Well, couldn't you just choose a girl for that matter?"

"If you want work done right, you need somebody who has already experienced it." My hands gripped the head of the sheet and handing one tail to Chris, I placed it down. "It's no rocket science. And if you ask Matt, probably, he'll confirm you that it's sometimes better than from a woman."

"Oh, I'm sure I won't be investigating this matter further. It's your thing. Don't wanna know more." With that, he waved in front of my face and left the room, leaving me with my conflicted mind.

I expected my sleep to be left undisturbed, because other nights had been so. But when I woke up for the third time, looking at my phone that said it was half past two in the morning, I couldn't let it go unnoticed. Lifting my thorax, I rubbed my face and felt it was all hot. I decided to head for the bathroom, wash my face and maybe it'll get better. 

As my legs carried me towards the sink with droopy steps, something rustled behind me. 

"Can't sleep either?" sounded Chris' voice. I could see his grin in the dark.

"Go back to bed. You're playing a show tom- today," I said, my tone dropping. Part of me wished that he'll go immediately back to sleep, but the other half wanted him to spend the whole night with me, talking and laughing silently.

"I'll go, don't worry. I just wanted to pay a visit to the toilet, and then I heard your heavy steps. You should be more cautious," Chris chuckled and slipped through the small space between the wall and me, the front turned to me. 

Chris' erection poked me hard from the back.

I was sure he tried to make himself as less obvious as possible, but his stocky figure didn't allow it while sneaking behind me. 

My body froze, even though I tried not to seem apparent, and he must have noticed.

"T-Tom, I..." he stuttered, looking everywhere but at me. 

Gulping, I lowered my body by slightly spreading my legs and leaned over the sink, my arms supporting my trembling form. "I-I understand, Chris." I put my hands under the icy water and splashed my face, still leaning over the sink. Chris' right hand withdrew towards my spine, up and down went his finger, and in the mirror, I saw Chris' reflection as his head fell backwards. A groan escaped from his throat and at that time I knew we were in trouble. 

Chris' pajama pants didn't hide a thing, I tried not to think about how good it felt and both me and Chris acknowledged our position. I leaned my chest back, so that we were almost flushed at each other, and my wet hands gripped his to navigate them around my stomach. His head was still thrown backwards, but that changed as vocal chords in my throat let him know that I was still pendling between the subject he brought up before. I wasn't sure myself, actually. But I remembered this wasn't right. Not with Chris. 

"Go back. Now," I commanded, throwing his arms up in the air. I strolled back to where I was sleeping, but I didn't close the door, expecting the bassist to follow me. 

Not even a minute after, he was standing in the door frame, his long-sleeved shirt pulled up to cover his hands as a sign of shyness and anxiety. I beckoned at him and then at the door, without a need to explain anything. 

“Talk?” he whispered and I nodded. We both desposed ourselves down on the laid-out couch, letting out a heavy breath. 

“Honestly now,” I said. “What were you going to do?” 

“I couldn’t fall asleep after your confession. Don’t exactly know why. Well, I know, but didn’t want to... you know, admit it. Had to...” He couldn’t voice his thoughts. No wonder; caught under his pretences by me, and in the most unpleasant way, it didn’t make his situation any better.

I decided not to humiliate him any further, waving my arm in the air. "Got it, totally. You're a man on the road, hadn't seen his wife long... That's what we do." One thing was still bugging my mind. "Why are you here then?” 

Chris gulped loudly, looked away, but immediately turned his head back to me, inching closer with his body. Even that didn't alarm me enough of his actions. "I-I don't have a-any idea." 

Something was forming inside my head. And I didn't like that idea by any chance. "It's because I iniciated a thing, right...?" I felt him shift, his hand coming in close presence to my own. Looking up at the ceiling, I took a deep breath, recollecting our previous actions and thinking, if what we both evidently want, but can't say out loud, will be bearable in the morning. 

As I reached to grip Chris' hand, my fingers then continuing to play along his skin on his arm and shoulders, he hitched a breath, body starting to tremble under my touch. I understood that there was no going back in the path me and Chris were taking. 

My body rolled on side and I propped my head with my arm. "It's your choice, Chris. Please, tell me, if you don't think it's a good idea. Just the slightest contemplation and I won't continue." I tried to be as gentle as possible in my voice. This was a difficult decision, and a risky one. Anything could happen after that. But the majority of my body hoped that Chris won't suffer from any considerations and will let me do anything with him. 

There was a short pause between his answer. I watched his chest rise and fall, his hand slowly stroking the hem of his T-shirt. Then he made a final decision, when he rolled to face me and looked me straight in the eyes. His hand was immediately caressing my stubble, me leaning into the touch, and as his other hand closed around my middle section, I couldn't control myself any longer.

Against my reserved character, I hummed approvingly, slowly making a move with my legs over his body and I laid my full weight on Chris. 

"Why do you want it?" I asked, my palms caressing his sides. 

"Because I want to know," Chris said and I sensed almost agression in his tone. It slightly scared me, because if he could get impatient just by this simple teasing, our whole liason could get way too far.

"I mean, Chris, what about the consequences afte-" 

"Go at it, Tom, or I'll change my mind." How did his expression change I don't know, but suddenly, he became the commanding power and his demeaning attitude showed him wanting the vigour. It was obvious Chris wasn't used to being down, but I had to comply, just because I wanted his body as much as he wanted mine.

I didn't hesitate any longer and inched closer and closer. Chris was heavily impatient, so I wasn't surprised to find him kissing me first. It still was strange, or at least it felt like it to me; whether it was thanks to me not being as bony or slender as a woman, or that he hasn't experienced the act itself of snogging with a man. But still, I found I wanted to devour his mouth more and more with each movement of lips.

Moans escaped his throat as I bit his lower lip and the sound conduced electric signals down to my body, finishing in my crotch. I've never really thought about Chris in this way. Throwing away the fact that we've been best friends for as long as I remember, we’ve never been _this_ close. Was this a step forward in our friendship, I couldn't tell, but it would certainly change everything between us. 

Or it was only me on the emotional side and Chris just wanted to get off somehow. That would mean that I got into some deep trouble by attaching myself to him other than by a sexual need.

"This f-feels good," he admitted, breaking me from my reverie. His husky voice could always wake me up, but this time, it got only worse. I closed my eyes and let my imagination flow, making our kisses sloppy and deep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Chris have a proper meeting this time.

At this point, I couldn't care less if we were going over ninety miles per hour or staying at some cheap gas station; as long as my lips were sealed with Chris', I didn't take environment seriously. Even through his agressive tone from earlier, he seemed so fragile under my touch, his skin sensitive in all places, and even his mouth couldn’t connect properly after a few eager kisses. Maybe he changed his mind, I thought at first, and lifted my head only slightly to be able to watch his expression change from resentful to innocent to melancholic. I never knew I‘d have the chance to experience Chris in his darker episode, or it seemed like he was having one.

My eyelids dropped, as if I had taken some drugs and was now floating in my imagination. It wasn’t actually far from truth, but I decided not to bring it up. “I told you to give me a sign, if you’d want to stop.” 

“No, Tom, please, I don’t want to. I-I’m just short on breath,” he pleaded, his hands sneaking behind my neck to bring our lips close again. “I want to be kissed by you.” His breath snuck into my nose - guessing he chewed a menthol gum, since he tasted unusually good after a kip - and I once again got caught up in this moment; me laying on my best friend Chris, whom I was snogging ten seconds ago.

It seemed so messed up. Chris didn’t want me, he wanted the feeling of kissing another person of the same sex and since I was the only option, he settled with me. That could be the only explanation, even though my head was telling me otherwise.

Down went my mouth and landed on Chris’ again, kissing him with even more passion than before, if that was possible. I don’t think he was trying to silence his moans, for what I’d learnt from him, he liked the natural flow that went with the atmosphere of sex, but as my hands started to roam under his shirt, he jerked his head a tad and bit his lip to stray himself from groaning. I took the chance to remove his shirt, ruffling his hair in the process, and wasting no time, I dove into his lips, my tongue taking the lead now. He gladly accepted the presence of the muscle and paved the way with his own tongue. 

He slipped his hands under my T-shirt, one hand at my chest and the other roaming over my back. His rough fingertips from playing the bass scratched my skin, leaving marks here and there. It won't be visible in the morning, but now it felt more arousing than anything. 

It was fairly chilly that night, so after I'd put Chris's shirt away, I covered us in the blanket I was supposed to sleep in and pulled it up to our shoulders. I was aware that sooner or later my T-shirt will be gone as well, so the idea was the most convenient. 

Thin flows of saliva ran down Chris' chin, me being surely messy too, because of how much I was craving for another encounter with a man after such a long time. And it turned out to be Chris. Oh, Chris'. Why did you decide to test me like this? I fell silent and still for a second just so I could hear Chris' moans, knowing that these erotic sounds he's making are thanks to me.

Just as his hand travelled to the small of my back, reaching for my pants, the door to my room opened silently and a raspy voice sounded through the heavy atmosphere of the room.

"Kirk, you sleepin'?" Thanks to the incoherence of the letter 'r' I recognized it was Matt. And we would be in a big, big trouble, if we didn't act fast. Our lips flew away in a millisecond and I beckoned to him to be quiet. I rubbed my face to at least emit the expression of a sleeping person, then lifted my body up and mumbled a response. 

"Not now," I half laughed and turned my head towards him. "Sowt on yer mind?" 

He closed the door, but didn't dare to step from the frame. Of course, I was terrified of Matt switching on the lights, but I had to stay calm for the sake of not raising too much suspicion. 

"You seen Chris? Was just searching for him. I found his phone under my pillow and Kelly sent him a message, so it woke me with a shock."

"Can't say I have, I've paid a visit to the toilet, but nowhere had I seen him. Maybe he's back by now," I suggested and looked discreetly into Chris' eyes, throwing hints of a possible way out. 

"It's nowt, really, but just if he'd fancy calling her or something, you know," he said and I heard the relieving click of the door closing. My eyes travelled to Chris', a visible worry in the brown irises. 

"You should go," I suggested, sliding from his body next to him. "There's someone waiting for you. And be quiet opening and closing the door."

"I know, I'm going." I could tell we were both shook from the situation we found ourselves in, but his voice resonated with more worry than I've ever heard from him. Whether it was Matt interrupting our fervid kisses, or remembering he had a wife... One way or another, this was a sign to tell us we were behaving poorly. 

Still, my brain was telling me that there was something missing. I tried to find any solution - I thought I missed Jaclyn, maybe that one beer I drank in the morning was strong enough to make me chuffed, but I still found that the only option was that I wanted Chris in the most impossible way. 

•~

I slept properly this time. As soon as Chris left, I stopped thinking about what we did and moved my thoughts to today’s show. The last one in North America, then back to Europe and a few shows there. Crazy as it sounds, Matt, Dom and Chris were still nervous before concerts - their devoutness to the fans was endless. They always give out everything, so after a gig like this, each member went relaxing to their respective rooms, doing nothing than sleeping or reading.

Therefore, I didn’t expect Chris to knock on my door after the last show in Phoenix. 

I was just out of shower - the venue the boys were playing a show in was humid and hot and downright non-logically conditioned - with clothes carefully set for my way to the city, when three loud bangs sounded through the hotel room. 

“One second, please!” I called out, grasping my underwear and put it on. 

“Tom, it’s me,” he said, evidently annoyed.

“Wait, Chris, I’m in my boxers.” I hurriedly dried my hair, occasionally stumbling over my belongings.

I thought I had imagined it, but I heard Chris sigh. “Don’t dress.”

My legs froze and stood completely unmoving. His command was completely unexpected and surprisingly forward. I repeated to myself that I don’t need it, don’t want it, don’t crave an sexual contact with Chris. But the nagging in my head was stronger that night than ever. 

He must have noticed the abatemen of my movement. He knocked again. “Well? Are you going to let me in?” As if his voice had some hypnotising powers, I trotted towards the door, head hung down, and revealed Chris in a tight T-shirt and loose jeans. He changed from his stage clothes to something comfortable, but I presumed his clothes won’t stick to his body for longer period of time.

“Come in.” My voice was unstable and shaky, but I stepped aside to let him in. Chris, with a confident smile, stepped into the room and looked around. I poked my head out of the hotel room and checked the environment, if there was nobody around. When I turned around, Chris was standing close to me. 

“Wow, you scared me there,” I joked, trying to ease off the obvious elephant in the room. His eyes started roaming down and my skin was hot under his gaze. My cheeks reddened and I tried to avoid eye contact with him. I was suddenly aware of the absence of clothes on me and I moved deeper into my flat, weight shifting heavily from one foot to the other. 

There I was in the kitchen, waiting for him to start talking. Nothing came out of his mouth, so the initiation was on me again. “You played a brill tonight,” I said excitedly. 

His back leaned over the kitchen counter and he laughed. “I’m not here for that.” 

It stung me a tad that he didn’t say thanks or anything, but I knew, what lingered behind those words. He was grateful for my compliments inside, I believe. However, this was not about complimenting each other all night. 

I pointed a finger towards the door behind the kitchen, whispering to him to follow me. 

It was nothing fancy in my bedroom. It contained a wide bed with a small headboard. The sheets were freshly made - I intended to have a short kip after a shower - and it was missing pillows, which were under the bed. Chris glanced around once again, then his look landed on me. I glimpsed in his eyes, finding the undeniable desire here. Obviously, we both wanted to continue where our liaison got cut last time. 

It was Chris who plunged forward and kissed my mouth with power I didn’t know he indisposed with. Tonight, he didn't waste no time; he immediately sneaked his tongue between my lips and roamed around the not enough explored territory, where we left it two days ago. Chris didn't take any precautions; he swung my body around, throwing me on the bed, almost knocking my breath out, and he alone crawled atop of me. But I can't say it would hurt me or solicit me. At first, I was surprised to find Chris that desperate, but the dominance radiating off of him attracted me so much.

"We're eager like teenagers," I noted and smiled, when he hummed an approval, but a moan escaped my throat, as his hands grazed over his T-shirt and threw it away a few seconds after. 

It wasn't the first time I'd seen his torso naked, but the other times it wasn't a foreplay to what was yet to come. I watched his chest rise and fall quickly, desperately wanting to touch him.

He didn't even look at me, as he started to play at the buttons on his jeans, unzipping them, and discarded them next to his T-shirt. His boxers were either very clad and revealing, or he was bloody hard. Knowing Chris, it was definitely the second choice, because he would never choose anything inappropriate to wear, unlike Dom or Matt. I don't know whether it scared me or excited me; in any case, we had the same need. 

Naked skin of Chris' body covered every inch of mine, purely enjoying the feel and slight friction he made, when he moved. At first it felt weird again, but as memories started flooding my mind, I got used to feeling the rough surface of his beard. My right hand travelled to his hair, tangling in the short streams of brown, and left hand roamed over his back, leaving red marks behind, repaying for the other night.

Without missing a beat, I rolled him over and he surprisingly accepted the position. I liked having the upper hand over him. After he groaned into my mouth for the umpteenth time, my hand took reign of his arms, pushing them to the headrest of the bed. The other moved lower and caressed every inch of Chris' revealed derm.

We had an unspoken agreement. I knew Chris didn't want to overdo everything for our first time, and, deciding I should never cross this invisible line, as I reached his boxers and palmed his stiff member, that's where I drew the border. Not going to do anythig else than a... little help in need. 

I couldn't bring myself to look at him, when I slid my hand in his underwear, but the sound he made forced me to lift my head up, permitting me a look at Chris in his most vulnerable position - his head was slightly backswept, his eyes almost closed and his mouth ajar, revealing his front teeth. He choked a breath, visibly trying to restrain himself from moaning. Whether he changed his mind about the animalistic point of view on making sounds during pleasuring, I didn't know, but I wanted to tell him that it doesn't bother me. I'll save it for later. Maybe he didn't want me to hear how much he enjoys being groped by me, or that he was afraid that I would tell him to stop. I definitely didn't; these sounds were _orgasmic_.

My hand worked between his legs in the most awkward way possible. I didn't know yet what he liked and how was I supposed to make him feel as good as any normal handjob he received, counting in that I didn't prepare any lube, so at times, it must've hurt as well. Normal is exaggerated expression for the situation we were in, but you take what you have. If you want one of your best mates give you a handjob, you have to throw common sense out of the window. 

Up and down my hand caressed his shaft, pleasuring Chris and me at the same time. Never before I wondered how big he is and with that information, it felt even stranger. But twice as raunchy. That's what our encounter was for; to get off without having to travel home. It sounds terrible, when I say it, but I just had to have a reason in case Chris will argue with me afterwards. 

I quickened my strokes and shivered, as Chris started mumbling incoherent sentences, the sounds coming from him more erratic and cautious. He wanted to relish this feeling, so he probably tried to delay his release. That was a tad difficult, because he was painfully stiff for god knows how long. I heard words like "please" and "now", but nothing in particular, probably helping himself sustaining in this position. 

Kissing him for the last time before he came, I switched my motions to plainly abrupt and the hand that held his arms up moved lower to caress his chest, playing with the few hairs that grew here. A simple touch made Chris unravel completely - he cringed his nose, squeezed his eyes shut and he cried out, spilling himself in his boxers and all over my hand. He breathed fast, chest rising up and down along with my other hand. I reached over for his shirt to wipe the come from my hand. He was still panting hard, as I pulled down his boxers to help him clean his abdomen. This was the first time I'd seen his cock and I imagine it won't be the last time.

As I threw away the dirty underwear, I returned and laid down next to Chris.

"D'you want..." he turned his head and said in a raspy voice. I know what he meant, but I didn't want to exhaust him even more in his state. He has to walk out of here any time soon to not raise any suspicions.

"No, you don't have to. I'll deal with myself later," I reacted. "After you'll be done resting, I'll lend you my shirt and underwear." I seemed like a relentless and cold bastard. I walked towards my luggage and laid out a plain, black T-shirt that I saved for sleeping and a white pair of boxers. "You have as much time as you want." Then I left the bedroom and moved to my laptop on the living room table, checking my social media. I wanted to clear out my mind and think through everything. To walk and wander around the city I wasn't in mood for.

I heard treading and a faint "goodbye", before the door opened and closed with a loud click that sounded through the hotel room. 

_What the fuck have you gotten yourself into, Tom?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to write second chapter! I'm working on more chapters at the same rime, so I don't lose the hang of the feelings, but it takes so long to write my limit. Thanks for checking anyroad and I hope you'll like it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom travels to London to see Chris after tour.

It was far from the wisest idea on the planet. I had to have a shower again to relieve the stress that was going on in my head, change the soiled sheets, trying to forget Chris' face in front of me... My trembling hands tried to find any activity to prevent me from thinking about our encounter. We both must've gone mad, because we couldn't simply let the other mess about. 

At least, sex wasn't involved. If it would, the line would've been left far behind, us not being able to get back behind it. 

I've concidered texting him about what I feel about it, but decided not to involve emotions. As I said before; this was only a question of need. The power of your abdomen. Too long without anyone to sleep with. Curiosity. On both sides.

You know the saying: curiosity killed the cat. 

This time, I only hoped that the cat was not going to be my marriage, his success and our friendship.

The rest of the day was completely daft, comparing it to the event we'd gone through with Chris. 

For the luck of everybody, Chris and I realised that if there was something wrong doing, it was avoiding each other. We talked normally, just more cautious about the other's intentions. But one time I let my guard down, when Matt called me uptight one time, as I flinched away from Chris' touch while taking a photo with him. I saved it by saying that we didn't agree on some important thing and that it made us a tad uncomfortable around each other.

To my - _our_ \- luck, he didn't show up at my hotel room until we'd finished all shows in North America, showing only that the lie I said to Matt could be true.

The tour ended and we headed for Europe. Matt was supposed to travel to Italy and collaborate with a singer of sorts, but Dom, Chris and I decided to stay in Mother England, me working on own projects in Teignmouth and the other two leading their personal life. 

I didn't miss our interactions with Chris. Jaclyn kept me busy for the rest of the week after our return, so I couldn't even focus onto something else, but I did feel empty a tad, when I didn't see Chris that long. My wife didn't notice my mood swings, because I've always been more reserved than her in showing my emotions, so my request to travel back to London and visit Chris took her aback, but seeing I wanted to see my friend, she naturally let me go, wishing me the best of British for the road. 

I didn't even know what to say to him. I couldn't just pay a visit to London, because I was notoriously famous for not fancying the city. Chris knew it and if he wanted to admit last time that we should probably just forget what happened in the last week, he just left it for later. Whether he was waiting for my breaking point or his endeavour to understand my behaviour better, it depended only on him. 

That hollow sensation in me was gone as fast as it came, and I flew over to London with a great feel. I decided to phone Chris just now. 

"What?" It picked up almost instantly, but the voice on the receiving end sounded scathing. 

I didn't know if I could speak to him, when he had temper. "Uh, hey, Chris. It's Tom."

"Oh, hello!" His tone rapidly changed to a sweeter register. "Sorry. Kids are being a pain in the arse," he laughed and I could even see he was scratching his neck.

At the mention of his kids my stomach turned upside down a tad. "So, I presume you're not free at the moment..." 

"The other way around! Kelly and the babysitter will be here any minute. They went shopping to the centre." I heard a loud crash and then shuffling of feet. "Sorry Tom. Have to go. I'll call you as soon as they get back!" I smiled at his responsible personality and wandered off to the city, deciding to halt at some café, until he calls back. 

I know I spoke falsely about London, but when I found a lonely district in an estranged street and sat down in a small establishment, my opinion slowly changed. 

It wasn't until I was in the middle of my latte, when Chris finally called back. "Just took a taxi and on my way to the centre. Where are you?" 

"This tiny café called..." I had to look at the menu to tell him the name. "The General Store."

"It sounds familiar... Either Dom or Matt took me there one time. Just for a record, wait outside. I need a fag," he said in a hurry, wished me goodbye and the phone went dead. Now it was the question whether he'd like to be just friends again or it'll have deeper meaning. 

I could have counted to ten and he'd be there. The time had no weight, when I thought about Chris. That worried me the most that I started to think about him more frequently, always wanting to give him a ring, but never containing enough courage. 

To stop the work of my messy mind, I walked out of the café and lit up a ciggy. I don't usually smoke, but Chris got me back to the habit. I watched the street on the opposite road. I regretted that I didn't bring my glasses today; the sun was shining very brightly and I discovered I liked being surrounded by this environment. They usually think of me that I was a night person, loving the gloom it gives. Well, you can do all sorts of things during the night and nobody can tell whether they're good or bad.

Damn it, my mind wandered back to Chris. It's like he's there 24/7 and it's slowly getting to my head. 

"Tom, nice to see you in London," I heard Chris' mocking voice. I blew some hot smoke in his face, receiving a playful punch in the shoulder. 

"I sort of started liking the city. Some quiet streets and all of that..." I wanted to add that he lived here as well, deciding against the idea in case he didn't want anything than a pleasant conversation. 

He stole the cigarette from my fingers and sucked on it, relief visibly seen in his eyes. As I opened my mouth to chasten him, he struck back with the smoke. "Can it. I don't carry them anymore."

"I'm glad you stopped," I smiled, placing my hand on his shoulder. 

"Thanks, you should too." We stood outside in silence, simply relishing the peaceful moment of us together. Looking over my shoulder, I threw away the stub and went inside the café, Chris following me. 

We sat down at the table, my coffee cool already, and looked around. It didn't occured that someone would walk in here any minute, so we were completely alone. 

"What brings you to the city of Londinium?" Chris asked.

I took a sip of the beverage and cringed at the nippines. "Couldn't stay home any longer; the house seemed small," I reacted, playing with my fingers. My hand encircled my wrist and held it. "Besides, I hadn't visited London in ages! There's surely plenty of new things to see."

"Bloody bet there are! I can show you my favourite places to visit, like bookstores, cinemas, pubs..." His dreamy gaze suddenly broke and it almost made my heart shatter. "I presume you're leaving today, right?"

"I can let Gee know and take a hotel. It's not as difficult as it seems to you," I laughed and took out my phone, writing Jaclyn a message about my stay. She'll surely call me, but I will deal later with that. "So, yeah, that's settled! First, which hotel would you recomend, personal guide?" 

"If you're going to call me like that, I'll send you to my house to sleep in room with Teddi," he laughed. "Well, there's one on Adler Street. Qbic. It's perfect! Me and Kelly spent a wonderful Valentine's Day here, so you could probably book a night right now." 

He was talking to me again in a playful manner, which was good, because it signalled that the atmosphere of weirdness was on its decay. Though I still can't seem to forget his face while coming and the sounds penetrating my ears. 

He's talking about his family; I can't concentrate on our intimate meeting. It seems like the most perverted thing to do that I still contemplate the subject of sleeping with Chris, when he seemingly doesn't have any interest in me anymore. That's only for good; we don't have to pretend anymore that we got into some sort of an argument, when we're with Dom or Matt. 

I quickly nodded, got up to pay the bill and beckoned to Chris to follow me out. 

We took a taxi back to the centre of London, talking strictly about business. He wanted to bring new ideas to Matt, but was afraid of rejection and I assured him that Matt is a tolerant person, who would help him in every way possible to create a perfect single for their new album. 

"Hey, Chris, you should probably lead me to the hotel. I'm not really sure of the road, if there will be vacant rooms..." We were walking through one of the quieter streets of London, where everyone seemed not bothered by anything. People just randomly came and went, nobody recognized us; they were living their own normal lives.

How I longed for a normal life between me and Chris. During my visit, I couldn't forget what happened between us. And I found myself I didn't want to. 

Chris laughed, the sound piercing through my ears. "It's the middle of March, how bad can it be? No tourist season, no festivals around... There sure will be a free room with a double-bed."

I stopped in the tracks. "Double-bed? I think I'm short even for a single one," I tried to relieve the obvious growing heavy atmosphere.

"I mean... I thought we could crash at the hotel and... you know, talk things out, solve what needs to be solved and..." My mind knew this was not what he wanted to talk about. I jut saw it in his eyes, the growing lust, desire to pin me against the wall and kiss me until I won't be able to breathe. 

"Yeah, okay, you're right there won't be any people that much." We walked in silence until we reached a small pub. "That's my favourite bar. Can you guess why?" I looked around the place, but couldn't find any clues. He was playing with me, probably preparing me for later. 

"I don't think I'm able to."

"The pub's called Plan B. So if you need a plan b, this is the first place you visit," he laughed. The mood between us changed completely, switching from uncomfortable talk to an invitation to a bar. Maybe he'll forget about what we were talking about. 

As we took a seat and decided on what to order, Chris took out his phone, evidently texting. Then his gaze landed on me. "I've just sent Kelly a message that I won't be able to make it home tonight."

How was I supposed to react to that? Clearly, he wanted - no, he _desperately wanted_ to have me the way he wants. 

I found myself I wasn't able to resist the urge as well. 

After our visit to the pub, a few glasses of skotch and a bottle of beer in our blood, Chris led me to the hotel. Thank god my bar of tolerating alcohol was higher than usual. 

Chris was right that almost nobody resided in the hotel just a few guests like me, for one night. Though nobody could ever tell, what actions will happen in those rooms.

It sounds so bad, I was aware of myself blushing, but Chris took the keys to my room, deciding I wasn't able to open the lock myself, and slipped in. We couldn't go to the city anyway, because it was getting late. And we sure both wanted other things than to wander around the city of London. 

My predictions were completely right, when Chris shoved me against the door leading to the hotel room, kissing me fiercely and greedily. My hands grasped at his hair, caressing and pulling and combing through the short waves, while his head switched positions from side to side. His own hands were making me crazy and unravelled the worst side of me. He ground his pelvis into my stomach, making me sure of bruises that he caused. I sometimes hate being smaller, especially around Chris, but he knows it’s me who is in charge. 

I breathed out his name, already knowing the reaction my voice had on him. One hand propped my back, circling my waist, and the other moved under my shirt, dragging his nails across my chest. He didn’t hide his animalistic side anymore, knowing that nothing can surprise me, when it comes to his behaviour. I replied to his dragging by moving my mouth lower, biting the bare skin. There was an odd feeling in my chest, when I drew back, seeing the imprint of my teeth on his skin. I shouldn’t have done that; what if it doesn’t fade away until tomorrow? Chris could be facing some real problems. 

_None of that, Tom._ Not when Chris’ delicate mouth moved back to my lips. That tender tongue was desperate to touch mine, and as much as I resisted the thoughts about the progress of this encounter, it occurred to me that his mouth won’t stay just on my mouth. 

How this situation could end up awakened deep feelings that I didn’t want to touch, but which driven me to tear Chris away and led straight to the bedroom. As we stumbled across the unusually cozy suite, occasionally bumping into a wall or a wardrobe, I felt the bulge in his jeans grow bigger each second we continued kissing. Finally, as my legs bumped into the wooden railing of the bed and I fell down, whisking down Chris with me, things developed a lot from here. 

His shirt and jeans came down first, leaving him just in boxer briefs. We kissed long, passionately, then he decided against showing me mercy and his teeth began gnawing at my lower lip, while his hand undid my fly. 

Chris didn't dig further into removing my clothes. My shirt was a tad bigger to cover my crotch, so when he removed my jeans, throwing them carelessly behind, he had to tear his mouth from mine and look where he should reach. 

I know he was prepared to repay me for our last encounter, but I wanted more. 

"Chris," I whispered his name. His eyes immediately shot up to meet mine, fear evident. Maybe he was afraid of me stopping our affair. 

I could never do that even if I wanted. 

"I know y-you want to get me back for the last time." He blushed, when I mentioned our first intimate meeting in my hotel room on tour. "No. Just suck me." 

His eyes widened. He must think I'm psycho. I am in a way - if he won't do what I suggested, I might as well go crazy. 

He looked gorgeous, when he hesitantly lifted my shirt with his teeth and freed my cock. After minutes of being as hard as a rock, any pause felt almost painful. He took a breath and closed his eyes, to which I responded by taking his jaw in my hand. 

"Open your eyes." Slowly, achingly he obeyed. "Want you to watch me." I took the perverted way, I was aware of that, but tonight, everything seemed different. Like I could afford to do _anything_ I wanted with Chris. 

He opened his mouth and his tongue lapped at the head of my cock. I gasped, because never did I think he would do that. It was evidently his first time, which lured me even more, and he wasn't sure what to do.

The hand that was previously on his jaw relocated itself to the back of his head and after a few rounds of proding around, I guided Chris towards my shaft. Not wanting to overestimate his powers, I didn't make him go over a half of my length for which he was surely glad. If I wanted to be an arsehole, I would do other things to him. But I couldn't bring myself to even think about hurting him in any way. 

I followed his eyes, which were focused on everything but me, and caressed his cheek, where I felt the outline of my dick. I threw my head back on a white pillow and started breathing faster, nearing the climax. 

He didn't really get used to this action, but he had an idea of what to do. He moved his head in every direction trying to get as comfortable as possible. And as he dared to push out his tongue and lick at me, I couldn't hold the knot in my lower section and came in his mouth with a groan that almost sounded like his name. 

I closed my eyes, the hand on his head dropping next to my thigh and let him remove his mouth. It felt weird not to have the warmth of his mouth around me, but I understood. 

I heard coughing and my eyes flew open. He was sitting next to me, cross-legged, and with paper issues around his mouth. It immediately clicked. 

"Stop being so dramatic, it's just cum," I noted, my voice raspy. He took it as a joke, but still went back to find the bathroom to wash away the taste. When I think about it, I didn't know how it tasted like, but as sure of my existence, I'll get to know it. Chris will get me for what I'd made him do tonight. 

He didn't complain, when he returned and laid down next to me. "So..." he breathed out. 

"So," I repeated after him. It was awkward as hell; the tension between us was unbearable. But as my hand reached for his, interlocking our fingers, he squeezed my hand and I knew we were solid. What we had, what we were doing, was okay with the both of us. 

Minutes after, I found his breathing steadier, looking over to catch a glimpse at sleeping Chris. He no longer tried to hide the obvious cum stain on his boxers, so what I saw made me genuinely contented with tonight's actions. 

Even though I knew we were doing something wrong and inappropriate.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Tom's wife travels away, things finally happen between him and Chris.

I woke up first. My sleep was disturbed, because I couldn't find a comfortable position to sleep in. Chris was peacefully napping next to me, his breaths breezing over my ear, and when I turned to look at him for what seemed like the seventh time that night, I had a strong urge to encircle his waist. I know I couldn't do that; it was beyond our agreement that no romance was going to rip us off from this reverie. 

With heavy legs I got up and searched for my jeans, but deciding against wearing them as I learned they laid under Chris' legs. I moved to the kitchen only to find the remainings of some cheap coffee and decided I should drink some to revive my heart. It wasn't going to help, but just as a placebo it was perfect. 

I almost jumped out of my skin, when I heard a sudden sound of my phone ringing. With drowsy movements, I reached for my jacket and found the right pocket.

The caller ID said:  _My everything_  and my stomach was doing a hell of a job keeping the contents of it inside.

"Hi, Jaclyn," I greeted her with a smile, telling myself that it was better to pretend as well with my gestures even though she couldn't see me.

"Tommy, hello! I got your message, so I just wanted to call you to say that it's okay. I was going to leave for the job early, so if Chris wants to stay afterwards at ours, he always can," Jaclyn informed me. 

"Yeah, thanks." I couldn't remember what job she meant. I was sure she told me five times already, but in the last days, I hadn't been paying much attention. "Sorry, love, I forgot. What is this job you're talking about?"

I heard her laugh, so it was a good sign. "I'm travelling to Stoke-on-Trent for an interview. It's Robbie Williams! Remember the chap you played football with?"

I grinned. "You can't forget that man. He's not just a third league football player."

"Well, okay, that's settled now!" I heard sounds coming from my room, pressuming Chris is awake. I had to end the call as soon as possible, because my heart sped its movement and my breath hitched in my throat. 

"I have to go now. Breakfast and everything."

There was a pause and a loud sigh before she spoke up. "Will you be able to make it home before the afternoon? I want to see you before my departure."

"I'll try, love. I'll talk Chris into releasing me sooner," I laughed. Briefly, I saw Chris' naked back in my room, making me shiver. Christ, I shouldn't think about him, while talking with my wife on the phone.

To top it all, I now lost all motivation to travel home early.

"Thank you, Tommy. Tell Chris that even though you love spending time with him, you can see him on the tour," she joked and hung up. She didn't even know how true her statement was. 

I put the phone away, but still kept an eye on it, repeating Jaclyn's words over and over again. My hand went to my hair, probing it furiously from stress I've just received. I leaned over the kitchen counter, thinking, until I felt Chris' arms propping his head on my back, his thighs pressed to my bottom. 

"Gee called," I said, not making any effort to shake his arms off. I liked the warm feeling. "You can come stay whenever you want. She's travelling north for a few days." One arm lost its strenght under his head and moved to the front, caressing my clothed ribs. I didn't want to see his face just yet, but his hand forced me to turn around and without a warning, he conjoined our lips in an unusually tender way. He tasted funny, for it's been just a few minutes since he woke up, but I didn't care. As long as his lips remained on mine, I couldn't complain. 

I didn't get home before Jaclyn travelled away, apologising for bad traffic. In reality, I spent all day in bed with Chris and couldn't care less about how I'm going to transport myself back to Devon as fast as possible. 

We eventually got up, put on our clothes and left the hotel without any further plans. Since Chris doesn't drink anything other than coke, he didn't know any bars around where we were, but we still got to enjoy London as it is; for its architecture and cultural worth.

Then he said he needed to travel back to see his family. 

I agreed - why wouldn't I? - and suggested I could crash home as well, if I could catch Gee before she goes away, which obviously couldn't happen, since she sent me a message saying she's leaving hours ago. But I needed to do something. Chris knew he could come around any time he wanted, though I doubted he would want to arrive sooner because of his kids. 

When I sat down on my couch, surrounded by the atmosphere of coziness and mind full of questions and 'what if's, I broke down, my sobs breaking the silence of the house. 

Never was I on the verge of not holding it together in my head. Sure, touring with Muse was _always_ stressful, but this is something different. The event that resulted in me and Chris having an affair happened on _one_ of the tours and that was eating me from the inside. 

If I didn't travel with them, would we be safe with Chris? I mean, would the need we feel now be smaller or even nonexistent? 

I carried my trembling body to the bathroom and slipped in the shower. A cold one to forbid my mind from any thoughts; it hasn't worked yet, but there wasn't many occasions to use this idea either. 

After the shower, I looked in the mirror and was once again greeted by the picture of man, who couldn't decide what he wants. One stressful event after another has left visible bags under my eyes and the beard was left unkept. I'm sort of glad Jaclyn left before seeing me; she didn't like that I didn't shave and would always drop hints that she wanted me to get rid of the bush on my chin. I fancied it; it made me feel more butch. Chris told me he likes me like that as well.

Maybe I'll let it remain unkept for the rest of the week.

But I had to get rid of the bags under my eyes, deciding that sleep will be the best resolution, even though I knew I had troubled sleep in the past few weeks. 

•~

It took two days before Chris finally decided to come around. 

First day, it was all a blur. As soon as I woke up, my body switched to automatic and what I did for the rest of the day remained a mystery, until I rested my head on a pillow.

I woke up violently the second day, knowing well what caused it. Or better, _who_ caused it. It was very early and I hated that Chris was invading my thoughts almost persistently. 

With a cup of tea in my hand I sat in front of my notebook and went to look at my Twitter. I don't lurk around that much, just to give a few information to the fans, since the others aren't here as often as I am. 

Suddenly, a photo appeared on my dash. There was me and Chris walking down some street. I recognized it was from the day I went to London to visit Chris. I quickly looked at the description of the photo: "Saw Tom Kirk and Chris Wolstenholme from Muse one day. Not being able to talk to them, though, because they rushed too quickly!" 

It was from the time we paced to the hotel Chris recommended. 

I thought I was alright with my mental state already, but it occured to me that _anyone_ could see us like that. Good think the majority sees us as best friends and there was nothing suspicious going on, but there still was that feeling of anxiety creeping up behind.

Closing the notebook as fast as I could, I tried to forget that emotion, hoping a telly could help me a tad. 

I switched the device on and waited for it to reign over my mind, putting me to sleep for at least another two or three hours. And it did happen, but three hours became six and I woke up to the rambling of the reporter and my stomach at the same time. 

I was never good at cooking anything remotely full, so the only option for me became a bag of rice accompanied by two eggs. Before starting preparing my meal I took a paper from a pad and scribbled "go shopping" in my clumsy handwriting. 

Occupied with thinking of us getting caught I almost forgot about my lunch, and with a few touches of seasoning I could savour the food I made. That is until Jaclyn comes back. 

However, I soon realized that I wasn't hungry at all. I hadn't eaten in two full days; it should affect me in some ways, so why wasn't I enjoying the food?

I missed him. So much. His look, his touch, his smile... everything about him. I don't know if it was attraction keeping me this way, but I hoped it wasn't. We _weren't_ drawn to each other, we couldn't be. Both obviously straight men weren't allowed to do such things. 

But yet when he showed up at my porch, I invited him immediately in. 

"Hi," he greeted in a sheepish voice.

"Hello." It was so strange, the atmosphere surrounding us. My wife was gone, he was there next to me, talking like he was forced to travel to my house , and I wanted to change that. "So, how was the ride?"

His hand flew to his hair, roaming around his paek. "It wasn't anything good. I bumped into a chap on the way here."

"Oh, don't fancy hearing that. Are you okay?" I immediately stepped towards him and inspected his arms. It didn't help in any way, but I wanted to seem concerned at least about his health.

"Of course, it wasn't anything heavy." 

"What was the subject of your distraction?" I asked and put my hands away, though not inching from him. 

His arms sneaked back into my grip and he eyed me intensely. "You."

I gulped at his blunt, but truthful answer. I didn't know he was on the same track as me, but I decided not to tell him about me and my problems. 

"Do... do you want to come upstairs?" The mistake has been made. I hated seeing him in the same shape as I was in and making him happy was the only goal I was going for tonight. Without shame, without borders, simply... doing everything that could distract him from feeling down. 

I took his hand in mine and led him towards where me and Jac- where I spent a few restless nights alone, and locked the door behind us. He waited in front of me, his front turned, so I couldn’t see his facial expression. 

"You know what's coming, right?" 

With slow movements he nodded, showing me just the side of his face. My steps were cautious as I took one after another and gradually lessened the distance between us. When I was sure Chris felt my breath on his nape, I inhaled deeply and touched his neck with my lips, closing my eyes. 

Just the light touch of my mouth on his skin made him groan and he stretched his neck to the side, so I had more room to explore. I secured him with my hands on his waist, so he wouldn’t move so much. It was unbelievable how much he struggled just to feel me. “Forward,” I said and pushed him slightly to emphasise my wish. Chris moved without a single convulsion, understanding my desire to lay him down. He made himself comfortable on the bed and looked at me, questioning gaze piercing through me. 

I was standing in front of the bed and watching Chris from head to toe, taking in his form, which I haven’t seen long enough to make me savor each second spent with him.

A movement on the bed made me look up into his face. Chris has already removed his shirt, setting it on the wardrobe that was next to the bed. This alerted me and I knew I had to take actions.

I climbed up, completely messing up the sheets, and laid down with my hand on Chris’ naked arm, travelling up until I touched his collar bone. He shivered, when I placed my other hand on the other side of his neck.

“You look good tonight,” I said. I didn’t even know why I said it. I guess I wanted to be sure that he knows I’m trying to help him, at least emotionally.

Was it my deepest wish, making me see things, or did I see him blush?

I massaged the skin around his collar bones and moved my hands up on his bearded chin. I didn’t hesitate any longer and leaned in to kiss him. In the two days without him, I forgot how he tasted, and I was glad to relive the sweet feeling of his tongue.

It was only a matter of seconds, before I started unbuttoning Chris’ jeans, throwing them away along with his boxers. I could see fear in his dark brown eyes, though from the unnecessary gaze at his erect cock I was sure of his want. I straightened my back, knees at both sides of his pelvis, and in leisure, almost teasing motions got rid of my own shirt. 

“Prick,” he whispered. “What a tease.” I grinned and reclined on him, my thigh in between his legs. 

As Chris crept his fingers over my torso, everything took turn on its own; his hands drew down my jeans, not caring about the button flying off, pushed his hips flushed to mine and took a glimpse around before bringing my head down to him. Gentle kisses landed on my lips; I was almost surprised at how tender he was tonight. Each peck was accompanied by a moan and his vocal response drew a reaction straight into my shaft. Nothing was going to stop us now, so I as well should get on with it. 

I stopped kissing him and glimpsed at his face. “No way back, understand?”

At first, he looked confused. When he realised what I was talking about, his arms sneaked around my lower back. “That’s why I’m here with _you_ ,” he responded in a sweet voice, breaking the possible bestiality I might have gone for before. Not tonight. I want this to be as enjoyable as possible for both of us. 

My experiences with men didn’t go further than I’ve told Chris and I’m sure this was his first time _ever_ as well. It must have been as painful as it sounds; I couldn’t find any lubricant and the condom wasn’t so comfortable for me either. But we got there in the end. I hitched his leg up, crossing it over mine and propped two fingers towards his opening a few times to prepare him.

When I slid in him just with the tip of my cock, he groaned in pain and his grip on my back tightened. That was only the beginning, as I told him, but whispered words of consolation as I inched further, resulting in the pain to increase. My whole length was inside him and his breathing became faster, the initial pain growing into pleasure. Deciding I gave Chris enough time to adjust to the feeling of me, I thrusted for the first time, having seemingly enormous effect on him. He threw his head backwards, delved in the pillow with mouth open to an 'o' shape and eyes shut tightly. I arched my back, moaning in the process. 

A few droplets of sweat tended to break out on Chris' forehead as I plunged more frequently and harder, not caring about the tenderness anymore. We both wanted to come already and only slow pace was keeping us from it. Kissing him, I positioned my hand on his leaking cock and started stroking up and down, letting him enjoy every second of it. 

Just as he was growling my name, I synced both of my movements and it was already too much for Chris. He came with a loud moan and I looked him in the eyes to try and remember his face. He was fucking gorgeous, laying here, completely exhausted.

I pulled out and realised we came at almost the same time. What a lovely coincidence... 

As we were laying there, naked and our hands conjoined, I realised we crossed the line keeping us from feeling emotions. It _was_ bad, because what are we supposed to do now? 

I looked at him and immediately regretted my decision to shag him tonight. I stood up, partly because of the rubber still lingering on my cock and partly because I needed to recollect my thoughts. The bathroom was the only option to do that.

From the mirror, a tired man with unkept face was looking straight at me. I came to the realisation that it was Chris doing all these things to me. I wanted to hate that man I called best friend.

But which thoughts reigned in my head were that I could embrace him, slip butterfly kisses on his forehead or plainly comb his short hair with my hand in the morning. 

The realization hit me hard and I staggered towards the bed, where I saw his sleeping form, his naked back turned to me. How he could let me have him I had no idea, but the emotions flowing through my head were telling me, almost screaming at me that we needed to have a talk. 

At least about what I personally feel, so we could part as soon as possible. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom decides not to keep their secret just to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the penultimate chapter before finishing the story! But I am quite unsure about how it should end. I have a kind of happy version and somehow, I managed to write kind of depressing (it was always leading to it), but realistic scenario. Which one would be better?

Chris wasn't sleeping very long. He woke probably half an hour later to a sight of me gracing him with a lazy smile on my lips, giving him a long gaze. 

I put my hand in his hair and pulled him closer. "Mornin'," I joked. He chuckled at my playfulness, shuffling closer with his body. We could become one at that place with how much we were flushed onto each other.

"Evenin'," sounded his sleepy response. A moment of hesitation occured, before I took a wild stab in the dark and found his mouth with my own, kissing the thin, desirable lips. It seemed like a complete idyll; us laying in bed, naked, while swimming in the feeling of the other being near. Was it even possible to want a person with that power as I wanted Chris?

As much as my mind tried to deny itself, my heart kept repeating one line:

I love Chris. 

I undeniably fell in love with Christopher Tony Wolstenholme. 

How did I get to this point I had no idea, but what I was sure of was the fact that my heart decided to drift towards Chris. No, that's not the right word. I still love Jaclyn; she's the love of my life, but what I'm experiencing with Chris is something unusual. A madness, in Matt's words.

"Are you hungry? I know I could definitely use some grub," I said out loud, trying to escape my thoughts. It didn't really help with Chris looking at me with those beautiful brown orbs. Seeing it from this short distance, I noticed he had vestiges of green and it made me admire his looks even more. 

"Hungry for you," he murmured into my neck and emphasised his words by fixing his grip around my middle section. His name slipped out of my lips easily, bringing all memories from our recent encounter back. 

Chris hitched a leg over mine and transferred his weight on my body. That gave me enough time to get over the shock from his answer, and immediately I was bringing his face close to mine, mouth connecting fully with the other. It wasn't healthy how much I wanted Chris and needed him inside me at the moment. It was me taking actions in these wicked situations, mainly because I was older and experienced, but now I felt the urge to be pushed over the edge by Chris. 

My cock twitched at the thought already and I couldn't wait any longer. I was like a teenage boy; almost coming from the first touch. 

I don't actually know why do I want it. I just feel like if I didn't get it, I would go crazy. He was about to take the wheel, leading us somewhere I know we shouldn't, but both want it. 

"Damn it," he cursed out of nowhere. We weren't even at the beginning and he probably wanted to say that he was late to some meeting. Or that he left his keys in the car. Or some stupid lie just to get away from me. It was the look I was constantly giving him. 

"What is it?" I asked, already knowing the answer. Or at least I thought I knew. 

"Er... I don't... I didn't bring more..." Just a few words spoken out of his mouth and I already knew what was he saying. It almost crept me out. But I as well felt the weight being lifted off of me.

"Wait." Not patient enough to wait for Chris' answer, I motioned to move his arms away, so I could reach for the condoms. He tried to hide his smile, but the corners of his mouth kept twitching, indicating that he was prepared to do whatever he wanted to do with me. 

I froze, when the protection was nowhere to be found. "Wait, I'm sure I had it somewhere." I shook him off, nervousness displaying in my eyes, and I sat on the edge of the bed to rummage through the drawers, only finding books, papers and other useless things at the moment. 

"Fuck," I swore and fell down next to him. We laid there a while, eyes boring into the ceiling. My cock stood hard from the kisses I received from Chris and I couldn't get rid of it in the way I wanted to. "Fuck!" I repeated without thinking.

The bedsheets rustled next to me and I felt light touches on my hip, moving up and down. "Don't worry," Chris whispered. "I have another way." His fingers started ghosting over my thigh from behind, pacing towards my bottom. 

I withdrew a chopped breath, avoiding his eyes, as I felt his warm finger playing at my entrance. It shouldn't feel this good, the violation was never in favour for me, but I trusted Chris' dexterous, yet strong fingers. 

With shaky hand, I reached under the pillow and pulled out the lube we used earlier. He was towering over me and that aroused me even more. My hand reaached for his, ripping the finger from its position, squeezed some of the liquid on his hand and from now on waited for his every movement. He was in charge now and I had no intention of stopping him.

As he teased my opening again, I parted my legs even more, acting out on the whorish part I never knew I had in myself, but I guess it appears once I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of being filled by Chris. Without warning, he entered me and I shuddered, the coldness having an effect on me. I noticed that I immdiately shot my eyes towards his face. He wanted to get a reaction out of me and he got it. 

He started out slow and gentle - I didn't know he could be _that_ gentle, for he plays the bass. The pace was making me feel extraordinary, because he didn't keep the rhythm at times, and I started murmuring incomplete sentences in his ear. 

"God, I want it." All sentences like that. They didn't make sense at all, but it got me closer to that edge I wanted to reach.

What surprised me was when Chris increased his pace and started responding to my incoherent whispering with his own talk, most of that being cuss words. 

His other hand got into work as well with slow, intermittent touches on the other side of my body. My breath hitched in my throat and I struggled to get any words at all out anymore. I gulped and waited for him to continue.

I felt pleasure taking over me, when he ghosted over the bundle of nerves, just slightly teasing the place. He wasn't going there yet. He was going to make me beg for it. I felt it.

His own arousal started to wake up along with me, just brushing my thigh in the natural way. I moaned, when I felt another finger being held at my entrance, waiting for my approval. I buckled my hips towards his hand, my desperation to come evident. 

His hand started its circular motion, rubbing the smooth walls inside, trying to find that spot again. I writhed with each movement, knowing fully well that I shouldn't feel this good by being finger-fucked, but Chris made it seem like art. He was the artist and I was his work of art. 

I felt I was close; my breathing got faster, my body tensed and moans grew softer. My throat was worn out, the scratchy voice coming out of it more frequently than my normal voice. I wanted to let him know that I am prepared for everything he has to offer. I closed my eyes, dropping my head on the pillow.

"Chris... Please..."

I shot my eyes open, when he started trailing shallow kisses over my chest, running them to my throat and into my beard, then withdrawing his head back and giving me a look with his beautiful, big eyes. He stared at me for what seemed like an eternity, I couldn't quite tell what was going on behind his eyes, but I'm quite sure he was waging a battle, whether he should like it as well or not. He should. There is nothing more exciting than being aroused by the moans of the person you're pleasuring.

He steadied his speed, his motions now simple and straightforward. The feeling in my abdomen started to be unbearable and I was afraid of not being able to hold it anymore, if he does something little extra.

That being said, he kissed me. Hard, passionate and watery kisses were being laid on my lips. 

He knew how to manoeuvre his mouth and within seconds, I was unraveled and coming with his name on my tongue. It was beautiful and the best feeling I got from him so far. 

I didn't even have the energy to reach out for tissues and clean myself up, so I was glad, when Chris got up from the bed and searched for some washcloth for himself. When he succeeded, he looked at me, piercing me with his gaze, and bit his lip. Probably pondering whether or not he should help me. And I was glad he decided for the former, moving his hand over my exhausted body. I was still breathing hard. 

By the time he threw the dirty cloth away and laid down next to me, I was half-sleeping, my back turned to him. I came back to reality as soon as Chris put his arm around my waist, drawing me closer and nestling his head between the vertebrae of my neck, kissing it for the last time before sleep got to us. He murmured something I couldn't catch, but it wasn't important apparently.

•~

As I woke up, alone in the bed I resided _with Chris_ last night, the first thing I did was to pound my head into the pillow underneath me. He left without a word. I tried not to make a big deal out of it, but since the realization of my feelings towards Chris, it hurt me more than anything.

In my half sleep I activated open my phone, checking the time. I squinted my eyes at a little icon in the corner of the screen, informing me of incoming mail. Maybe it was Chris saying that he forgot something and that he was to pick it up as soon as possible. But that would be just my dreams.

What I didn't expect, and completely blew me away, was when the mail came from an official adress and opening it, it started with _"Dear mister Thomas Kirk..."_

Finished reading with the letter, I summarized it all together and understood that I've just earned an opportunity to shoot with this band, with Metallica, and it was the best that could have ever happened to me. I still tried to understand how or why it happened. After the eternal pondering I shouted triumphantly throughout the house.

But then it occurred to me what the biggest problem of it was; I had to travel to the United States and stay there for two or three days. It made me gutted, because I knew I won't be able to see Jaclyn for the rest of the week, which she explained that she needed to stay home and relax before travelling to Switzerland for another one of her important jobs. And what was I supposed to do alone in America? I mean, I'll be probably busy for the good half of the day, but nights are made just for wandering somewhere in California. 

Who first invaded my mind was of course Chris. He would be glad to have a few days off and while I'll be working with Metallica's new clip, he can look around. Then we'll be able to spend some time together, talking or something else. It made me almost crazy that we didn't tour at the moment. 

However, as I was phoning Chris, he apologized for not being available next week, because he, Kelly and their kids will be visiting family. That's when Dom started to come in handy. We still were best friends after all, so why not to take him? His tastes will be satisfied as well, for he liked Metallica for some time now. 

Instead of giving him a ring, I drove to his place in Devon and surprised him while he was having a breakfast at one pm. 

"Uh, hey, Tom. What brings you here...?" If he thought his sleepiness wasn't visible, he was horribly wrong. 

"Sorry to invade your slumber," I mocked, crossing my arms on my chest. "I thought we could chat for a tad. Wanted to offer you a short holiday, too."

"No, don't worry, I've just made something to eat, come in." Dom was still lost two minutes into our conversation, but when I leaned back on a counter in his kitchen, taking a gulp from the glass of wine he offered me, he started finally focusig his attention on me. It was a strange feeling with him gazing at me with such a strong intensity, but I could only classify it as a product of unfinished sleep. 

That's when the Metallica collaboration was worth mentioning. 

He stared at me with wide eyes, consuming each of my word, and waited patiently for me to finish. That's when I said I could use someone to keep me company on the west coast. Like a falling star, he shot his positive answer at me, happiness evident in the glint of his eyes and smile. It made me contented that he was bouncing around with joy, repeating unbelievably that he's going to see Metallica and how he wants to ask Lars about some drum techniques and so many terms I couldn't quite catch in his outpouring.

Dom thanked me a billion times before we actually left the United Kingdom a week after our discussion.

I looked up a wonderful-looking hotel near the location we were supposed to film the videoclip. And it wasn't far from the centre either, so being filled with that information made me excited even more for the trip. But damn, was I surprised to find that I wasn't going to leave the set until ten pm., beginning at half past four in the morning. I realized I couldn't make it into the midpoint of all happening in California, because of the routine, after which I'll be knackered more than after several rounds of good shagging.

So, while I was somewhere down in California, meeting the veterans of metal music, Dom was able to roam the streets of the state without me, careless of whatever was on his mind. I ended up paying for this whole trip - mainly because it was _me_ , who was about to receive some money from the video. But I would do it anyway, because it was long since Dom and I packed our things and travelled somewhere, not knowing of the adventures that were yet to happen. 

Usually the days would end up with me going to sleep sometime around midnight, while Dom was in a pub, until we met in the morning, when I was leaving for the video filming. The last day I said to myself that we didn't see each other much, so why not taking him, as one of my best friends, to the shooting? He likes Metallica after all and this would be a dream of every music fan, so I decided to crack him the news right when I saw him stumbling from another of the benders. He was initially happy and so was I, because this whole time Chris didn't appear in my thoughts even once. Until the end of the day.

I was knackered pretty much, because the work we had to do was plethora in comparison to the other days. I used the en-suite first, Dom cussing me out as I stepped in before him. Scrubbing every droplet of sweat that was left on my body, I circled a towel around my middle and trotted back to the bedroom, searching for my clothes piled up neatly on the pillow on my bed. Dom took the initiative, occupying the bathroom, while I got dressed in my light pyjama trousers, abandoning a shirt. It was too humid to be embarassed about Dom seeing me half-naked. 

As I was drifting off, because it felt like forever, since Dom started residing the bathroom, the blonde flung the door open, presuming I was already sleeping. He laughed, when he saw me flinching from the sound and chafing my eyes. 

Drawing out his shirt and shorts, his mood suddenly changed from playful to dreary. I couldn't tell. Maybe it was concern painting his face. Then he approached me.

"Listen, Tom. I've noticed you and Chris had become very familiar," Dom noted, laying down on the bed next to me. I suddenly felt lightly uncomfortable, for Dom could have been onto something for a long time and he was just saving it for an isolation of both of us. It wasn't likely, but I could never be enough cautious, especially when talking about me and Chris. 

If those were the words at the start of our intimate relationship...

"Yes, it's true. We get on very well." I shot him a fake confused look - learning that from Chris' pretending at many interviews -, expecting him to continue.

"My point is, you're great friends and all, but... I see you're getting more gloomy, like your eyes had lost its depth and had become... shallow." He stopped to sigh and I felt the feared question is to come. I couldn't be _not_ prepared enough. 

I shifted my knees up and looked into his own eyes, straying myself in the grey irises. "Do you think it's wise to spend that much time with Chris? I'm surely glad you found someone to chat with; you've always been best friends. There's just this feeling in me that tells me you're not feeling completely well. See, me and Matt had to take breaks, when were on Origin of Symmetry tour, because we couldn't see each other until the actual show. We were sick of each other." He sat up, his head pounded to the board of the bed, though he didn't seem to notice, nor care. "What I'm saying... Had something happened between you? Any arguments or disagreements?"

I felt like a right gambler that night, though we strictly agreed with Chris that there's no coming out. Because we aren't a pair. Not ever in my dreams. "Why would you say so? Does Chris reflects that impression as well?"

"Strangely, just you. I don't know, maybe I'm just paranoid, but you know you can talk to me about whatever is on your mind." Dom's broad smile made me ponder about confessing to him. It was horrible, because if I showed signs of being ruined, almost entirely destroyed, then we're definitely going in the wrong direction.

I had to. If not Matt - to whom I wouldn't divulge a thing -, then Dom was the best option and maybe a solution. 

He stood up, prancing to the bathroom, but I jumped up and reached for his arm. Full of expectations, he turned around, eyebrows raised and his smile faded into a thin line. I was really about to confess my love for Chris to Dom. There's no way back. 

"Dom, I know this might sound strange..." What I wanted to do first was to prolong my speech, so I wouldn't be so nervous about the reveal, but there was this pull in my stomach, telling me that I shouldn't hide it any longer. "I'm in love with him."

Confusion was the main emotion reflecting in his eyes. "In love with him? Meaning..."

"Yes, Dom. I love Chris." I decided, if he wants to know how it happened, I will tell him, but otherwise I'm keeping it to myself. 

"You..." He still couldn't wrap it around his head. And I didn't blame him. 

"I...?" I tried to help him by motioning at myself, though I can't say it made him understand the situation better. 

He closed the distance between us, his hands gripping my shoulders tightly. It was strange, having him that close to me, but I know I can trust Dom with my life. He deserves to know about me and Chris. "Tom, if you're serious..." 

My eyes focused at his. "Completely serious."

"As in..." His head hung low. I knew exactly what lingered behind the halted words.

"A week back." 

"First?"

A nod came from my side. "Very first time."

Dom sighed, connecting his eyes with mine once again. "Are you definitely sure, Tom?"

Was I sure that I love Chris? We've been best friends for as long as I remember, but only this... _experiment_ made me realise, where we stand with each other. The feelings I get, when I think about him. Or when I remember the sustaining passion in our endless make-out sessions and how he groans, when I massage his muscles in the process. 

"Never been more."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A final chapter, where Tom confesses and things become difficult. Or will it...?

Dom stood frozen to the ground, gaze flickering from my eyes to the ground and back. "That's... that's interesting."

"No, it's not, Dom and you know it," I snapped. It was an unintentional move, but it still made Dom flinch away from me. "I-I'm really sorry. I've been so stressed lately because of this and I don't know what to do anymore..."

I wss surprised to hear that Dom's immediate reaction was: _"You have to tell him."_ to which I answered by a series of firm "No"'s, while throwing my arms in the air. "He would be finished with me forever. I need at least his friendship."

"He's a fairly understanding chap." He steadied my hand in his, drawing me closer to him again. "He's not going to love you back probably. But he won't cut you out either."

My eyes started to water at the thought of confronting Chris to tell him about my feelings, but it had to be said. Dom led me to my bed and we both sat down. "Do you want to tell me anything else?"

I realised how I am imprinted in Dom's eyes. "I still love Jaclyn. And I don't look at other men like I do at Chris. He's something... exclusive." 

"I completely understand," he said, moving one hand on my thigh. "It happens. You were best friends since forever."

"That applies to you and Matt as well," I reasoned, though I would never think about it. 

"But I was closer with Matt. Chris must've wanted someone to share his experiences and small talks with, and you were the lucky number."

I laughed at my thought. "And then we start shagging."

"It was coming, the feelings I mean. There can never be sex without emotions. What were the odds that you're gonna start falling for him?" He sighed and turned me towards him. "Listen, Tom, don't blame yourself. You have to tell Chris what you feel. Only then you will be relieved of the burden. Talk it through and... then decide what's gonna happen."

Dom gave me a persistent, strong hug and we stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity. My thoughts were moving in a hurry and running in circles, but I knew that Chris needs to hear me out. 

The next day I felt so much better. I slept properly with Dom next to me, though I woke up in the morning to his light snores. But I was happy to see that he was always there to comfort me. I woke him up and we packed our things to head to the airport and back to the United Kingdom. 

We arrived back, no bumps along the way to keep us entertained. After landing in London we went our separate ways, Dom probably heading to Matt's. Dom told me he kept him busy, while I was away on shooting, interpreting new ideas or simply chatting, and now he wants to meet to consult some big project. I pressume he invited Chris as well, so I'll leave the reveal for later. 

Dom waved at me and shot me an encouraging smile. Then I headed to the beautiful residence of mine, expecting it to be empty.

I was pleasantly surprised to find my wife sitting on a stool in the kitchen, with a cup of coffee and a piece of some dessert on the counter, greeting me with a wide smile.

"Tom, you're back!" she proclaimed and threw her arms around my neck. I suddenly felt like I was betraying her. And I was in a way. 

•~

I tortured myself with burried feelings towards Chris the whole two weeks before I'd finally seen him. It was the worst time of my life, because I spent the majority of time alone locked in my room or with Jaclyn, when I tried to be happy, but in the end, it resulted in me breaking down at the end of the day in the bathroom. I don't blame her; I can't. She's the best that could have ever happened to me. And in between us steps Chris. No, I don't blame him either. 

I blame myself. 

I'm the worst one in this situation, because I had let my guard down too much and realised too many things at once. 

He messaged me one day that he wants us to spend some time together again. To tell him about that Metallica job, and I feared this was going to be the last time I'll see him, while the circumstances were like this. 

I didn't question him; hell I was jumping ten feet high, when I read the text for the first time! And I wasted no time explaining Jaclyn, where I'm going and when I'll be back. Grabbing the car keys, I shot out of the door, not even looking back if I forgot anything important.

I'm pretty sure that if the police saw me, they would definitely let me pay a fine. Hell, I wasn't paying attention to the road, not even what speed I was going, then.

Mind focused on Chris and only Chris, I pulled into his driveway, though not leaving the car immediately. I had to recollect my thoughts. At least plan a speech. Prepare for every scenario - physically and emotionally. I was self-conscious and had many doubts about this. But as Dom said; I had to tell him, afraid or not.

My hand was on the handle of the car doors, trembling as always when I was about to meet Chris. I swung my legs out, locking the car, and slowly made my way towards his house. Brown door only begged to be opened by the man I fell for heavily. 

The image of me living in a house like this with him left me frozen for a few seconds, then I finally pulled up the courage to knock. 

However, not even after the second knock the door opened, revealing Chris in black jeans and a white Metallica T-shirt. He prepared himself for me well enough.

Chris stepped aside, allowing me to enter. As soon as I set foot to the hall, his hands fixed themselves on my hips, laying me on the nearest wall. It was such a gentle gesture that I wondered, if I should wait for when he's tired after a round of me shagging him senseless. But Dom's words were still echoing in my skull. What I didn't register at first was his sweet smile, when he touched my nose with his, his hands still lingering on my hips which had drastically changed since the beginning of our first encounter, the bones of my pelvis heavily ascending from under my skin. 

I noticed that each of us had completely different reaction to our intimate relationship; Chris' muscles had grown bigger, and so had his belly. But he still managed to keep his fatherly figure. I, on the other hand, stopped eating suddenly; every food was just distasteful and I drank only occasionally. Last few days, I had been working so hard that my sleep-deprived and starving state didn't allow me to even lift myself up from my chair. 

And now the time has run out. It's now or never.

I didn't want to break this beautiful scene - like we were a pair, he was keeping my body against the wall without using force, his smile pressed against my stubby cheek in a dainty way, kissing it without any movements. I almost closed my eyes and drew myself into the reverie we didn't experience in more than a few weeks. 

The neurons in my body kept me awake, thankfully. I looked into the dark irises of the one I didn't want to love, but did anyway, and with an obvious sadness in my eyes I pushed him from my body, motioning towards his bedroom. Chris' smile faded away, but he obliged to my wish and with my hand in his led me towards the place I haven't had a chance to visit many times before. 

I sat down on his bed, fidgeting with my fingers. I was trying to find a certain tone, in which I would be able to speak to him without cracking. It was difficult, because there was no option that would end well for me. But I had to do it, I couldn't keep the emotions boiling inside my brain to me anymore. "See, Chris, I... I told Dom," I started. 

Chris stopped dead in his tracks. He stood in front of me, eyes wide and drawn to my face. I noticed my hands were shaking, so I shoved them in between my thighs. 

He coughed and walked away to the window, probably to look outside, whether has Kelly returned, then walked back to me. "You told Dom... about us? That we're fucking?" He whispered the last part, seemingly terrified of my answer. I nodded, still looking down. I had a feeling that Chris is able to figure out that it wasn't everything I had to say. "Spill it, Tom. What else is here?" 

I didn't want to. I desperately didn't want to confess, because there was a feeling that was telling me only the worst that can happen. 

His hands were drawn towards his face, rubbing immensely. Legs started roaming in front of me, each stomp of the heels on his shoes driving me insane. "What did you do, then? Fucked him as well, or what?!" I could tell he was angry at me for this kind of decision without even consulting it with him. It was spontaneous; Dom wanted to know and I wanted Dom to know. 

"No," I simply said. His head snapped up and he looked at me before marching in front of me and crossing his arms. I could no longer see the soft, romantic Chris from when I greeted him a few minutes before. This was someone different; a hunter and I was his prey. "Nothing like that."

"For fuck's sake, Tom, talk, then! I can't stay here, wasting my time with fragments of some sentences, when our secret is exposed." His voice was half whispering the words, half asking. 

That was it. Chris needs to know my feelings towards him. I can't leave him like this; even he looks like he is on the verge breaking down and I wanted to repair that. Fix him, pick up the broken pieces, mend his torn emotions back together. 

I stood up, our bodies in close proximity of the other. He was looking at me with confused look - narrowed pupils, mouth slightly open, revealing white teeth. I didn't waste any time; I took his hand in mine, giving it a light squeeze, before casting a gaze straight into his eyes. I'm pretty sure that what he saw there was somnolence and affection. 

My thumb couldn't remain in place and started moving up and down, caressing the pure skin; those tender motions, which I would expect from Chris at the beginning of this. "Chris I... I think I... There's something..." All my attempts to speak flew out of the bloody window, when I tried to articulate my thoughts. But it didn't matter; we had all the time in the universe. 

He gulped, stepping closer and leaned his forehead on mine. "Please, Tom..."

Inhaling deeply his scent, I made a final decision and didn't care about anything anymore. "I love you." 

I waited for his reaction. Whatever it could be, whatever I counted on; anger, denial, sandess, it was all meaningless. He didn't say anything. He just stood there, like the first time I told him that Dom knows. 

Then he finally started moving his lips. "Was... was that what you had told Dom?" With head hung low I nodded. "And he told you to confess to me?" Another positive answer. 

His hand jerked from my grip, stepping far away from me to the window, and he remained there, looking directly at the street. 

I reacted by panicking and walking to him. "Chris, please, you have to believe me. I don't want to feel like I feel, but... the emotions broke in like a wave." He waved his hand, not bothering to give me a single look and coughed. "I miss your lips on mine," I said, risking the only chance I had to fix the almost destroyed relationship we had.

"You should go, Tom."

I approached him from the back in a desperate need to face him for the last time before our departure. Slowly, I lifted my hand, touching his shoulder and I felt him tense. "Can I at least see your face?" I whispered.

In one swift moment, he turned around, grabbing my hips, pushed his lips on mine, casting a hasty kiss upon it. It eventually developed into a probing, deep make-out session, but the feeling from our previous snogging was missing. It was empy, like I was inside. 

His grip around my waist tightened to the point of creating small bruises on my bones, but I didn't care. I hoped that he would realise that I can't help those feelings and that he acted like a proper dick, but deeply I knew this was not the truth. 

He clipped my hair, my head being pushed from his, roughness and anger evident in his movements, and he thrust a finger in the middle of my sternum. I gave out a hiss of displeasure. 

"There's no fucking romance between us. Now get the fuck out of here." His words cut through my ears like a thousand needles, and though I knew it was coming, I still couldn't help feeling a pang of sadness in my chest. 

I arrived home, telling Jaclyn that I needed some time alone, but she, of course followed me to our bedroom. 

"Tommy, where were you? You don't look so good?" She sounded much more concerned and I was still glad that my feelings didn't change towards this beautiful woman. 

"I visited Chris," I simply said. Her face softened and she smiled. What would she do, if she knew the truth? A thought, a terrifying one, flew across my mind.

What if I told her? 

Either I would be ordered out of the house for... well, for a long time. Or she would leave forever. I couldn't risk this even in the slightest. 

"Oh, that's, great! What happened." 

"Ah, nothing special. We just couldn't agree on something."

"I'm sure you guys will get it together," she smiled and gave me a sweet kiss, which I longed for from Chris. But nothing could compensate the feeling of being loved after a difficult fall-out. That was probably what I desired the most - emotional comfort. And I was glad it was Jaclyn. 

•~

We didn't speak with Chris for about a month. He was shunned from all the gatherings involving me, lying that he had something else to do. Matt and Dom started noticing the distancing, though only Dom probably knew the reason behind him not wanting to meet me. 

I was slowly forgetting the chance of me being friends with Chris ever again, until one night after a show during Muse's new tour, he approached me with a plea for us to find a quiet place, that he has something to tell me. I still kept a decent space between us, fearing that he wants to just belt me one at that moment. But no, he was distinctly calm and didn't even try to avoid eye contact. 

I agreed, responding that I'll meet him back in their dressing-room after every arrangement I had to do at the effects table. And though being nervous as hell, I was in a hurry with cleaning the environment, so I could see him again after those torturous days. I got used to him ignoring me, but I still would obey every command he gave me. 

So, as soon as the scrutinising was done, I darted towards the dressing-rooms, fairly aware that Dom, Matt, Morgan and others left before Chris. Looking at both sides, I stepped in the room, locking it immediately. He stood in the middle of the dim illuminated room, looking at me. He acceded to me, his expression blank. 

"So... What was the thing you wanted to talk about?" I started. He looked disenchanted for a second, then shook his head and took a deep breath.

"I was thinking about... what you'd told me the other day." Chris was surely in the middle of a conflict. He didn't prepare any monologue; he would have no problem with reciting it to me, because he doesn't forget those things. 

I could only nod in return. 

"And... realizing it now, I was a complete dick to you. I didn't mean to snap like that. It just... it didn't... I thought you would want us to be a pair."

That was when I had to respond. "I didn't want it _exactly_. I just realized that I... I love you as much as I love Jaclyn. I didn't expect any answer on that one, but-"

"But I did, and in the worst way possible." He put his hands on both sides of my head and my senses tingled at that sensation. "I'm sorry, Tom."

I waited no longer and brought our lips together, trying to be as frail as possible. We had to go back to our liasons, both of us felt we needed it for a fear of going crazy, if we didn't. 

Chris drew back, locking glances that were both filled with affection, and moved one of his hands lower, smiling contently. "Are you free tonight?" he asked.

"I'm _always_ free for you," I justified and pecked his lips again. "Chris, I wanted to say that... I-I still love you." I looked down in embarrassment, because my voice became trembling like the first time.

His other hand travelled to my chin, lifting it up, so I could see his whole face so close, so pure, so... desirable. He exhaled deeply and his eyes met mine. "I think I l-love you too." 

Reality couldn't break us from this trance, even if Jaclyn or Kelly stepped in right now. We loved each other, that was what mattered at the time. Oh, I'm sure we'll be overcoming _so_ many obstacles. 

But it was me and Chris together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the final chapter! I just couldn't do it to poor Tom, leaving him wallowing in the misery of love, and though I'm sure it may leave you confused, I sincerely hope it was at least bearable to read. 
> 
> Thank you for staying with this story unil the end; I really appreciate all of you!


End file.
